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Songs About Growing Up & Moving Forward

by Circling

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1.
Sitting on your porch on a chilly Sunday. Paint your water colors, give me lessons on geometry. Show me how these shapes fit together. Show me what doesn't. Compare it to the present. Sucking on ice cubes on a sweating Sunday. The weather's always changing, I know you'd say the same of us. I'm still not used to uneasy breathing and body shaking. When you wax and wane, I tend to follow. Discussions won't make this any easier. (You said you'd bury this mountain. I guess that's what you did.)
2.
Absentee parenting has proven unfruitful. The height of a redwood, the heart of a mustard seed. Puffing one's self up to convince the world he isn't scared. It's tiring, I'm not sure I can hold the stance. What am I supposed to tell my daughter, that her father couldn't hold up the world? How can I not fail her? Is it something scripted, destined for me to follow? I don't want to fuck it up. Fuck it up. Fuck it up. fukcitupfcuktiupfkcuitpufuckitup
3.
You were falling asleep in your hospital bedding, the ones with the green rough blanket. The same ones your dad wore the day he died. It was barely a month ago when your aunt let us know, then you stood shocked and silent. And we still haven't talked of it. I hoped he would see your face- so small and fragile. Now that's how I feel, left unsure of how to hold you. And for you, I was a bad investment. I don't blame you for leaving. It may have been for the better, but love loss is love lost. It doesn't make it any easier. That place on my finger where the ring used to lay has filled in with calloused skin. And truth be told, you're happier without me. And truth be told, I still love you. The transition is harder than the action.
4.
I can only sleep to white noise, or something distracting. I'm too used to the sound of you breathing. Without it, I'm tossing and turning. I finally resigned to your resignation when you finally resigned to honesty. It only took two years. It only felt like a lifetime. I self medicate by writing songs about growing up and moving forward. It only hurts when I write it. Not so much when I sing it. Catharsis and progression. Clear my head. Forget about it. Forget about me.
5.
You are a tourist in everything you see. A life where you take pictures and leave. Walls covered in Polaroids and still frames saved from your favorite Wes Anderson movies. And I can't stand to be a printed blank face forced to fade away with the passing of days.
6.
It was February when they took down all the Christmas lights in our town. I hated them 'til they left me. It was the start of summer when you took me to your friend's graduation party. I didn't know anybody except you. My eyes where glued to the phone, too scared to look anywhere else, too scared to be alone. I was too scared to be alone. But that was the last time I was so scared, that I was with you. Our year in review showed it was only a matter of time. Like the last hourglass grain falling into place. And I wish I could see you in a way that you see me; just a shallow shell of something I used to believe in. I can't get over this feeling of starting over when all you had to do was flip a switch. Begin again. Just get over it.

about

Recorded very slowly during 2015. A collection about loss, coping, and other things. For Simon. Thanks.

credits

released February 20, 2016

Recorded @ Orange Grove Studios
Mixed, mastered, recorded, and additional vocals by Maxim Popoff
Gang vocals on "Our Year In Review" done by Maxim Popoff, Evan Kallas, Amo Helvey, Ibrahim Flynn

Squeeeeeee <3

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Circling Golden, Colorado

Nick
Kasey
James
Josey

Four piece emo band from Golden, CO.
www.facebook.com/CirclingBand

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